My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
