My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
