I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
