He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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