Have you finally orgasmed yet?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
