creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
