just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
