yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
