do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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