No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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