We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
