You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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