I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
