It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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