Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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