i jhust puked up my retainher.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
