so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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