PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
