I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
