Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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