She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
