Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
