I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
