Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
