Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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