you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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