I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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