I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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