just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
