the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
