The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
