I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
