guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
