Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
