Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
