when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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