Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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