6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
the liver wants what the liver wants
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
