Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
