Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
