In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
