All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
