he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dicks are not precious.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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