I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just forgot I was standing up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
