We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
