i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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