Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
