I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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