i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
