what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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