I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
