how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
