All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
