one might say we're banned from that church
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
