Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
