I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
