Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
