Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
