Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
