Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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