Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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