but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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