May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
