Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
