I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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