she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
