i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
