He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
