So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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