she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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